Ask an RA: how exactly to navigate culture that is hookup

Being an RA, I’m prepared to respond to large amount of questions. Got a test that is stressful up? Stressbusters. Got a leaky roof? Hartley Hospitality. Got a monster in your wardrobe? Ghostbusters. But there is one solution they don’t really show in RA training: “just how do i navigate culture that is hookup?”

I do not know whom first utilized the word “navigate” in mention of the skill of having set, however it causes it to be appear more difficult than it really is. After being in a long-distance relationship for two of my 3 years at Columbia, i have gathered a distinctive and comprehensive collection of information.

So that you can assist you to preempt any hookup catastrophe, I have compiled this information into a listing of advice:

Hold your self along with your buddies responsible for acting like logical, free-thinking grownups. Limit discussion regarding the sexploits to a minutes that are few day.

Apply labels to your relationship.

Hear me out—you need certainly to make your objectives clear. It’s like having a style to your group of websites. It’s easy to lose sight of what you set out to do when you lack a uniting vision. You begin down with a heartfelt post regarding your deepest feelings and just before know it, you’re composing a post on how to navigate hookup culture as you view everything disintegrate before your eyes.

Don’t let yourself be emotionally abused.

We cannot stress this sufficient. We have seen one a lot of buddies fall target to abuse that is emotional. You’ve got most likely possessed buddy like this—you continue steadily to seek their business, despite being profoundly upset by them. When you look at the end, you can’t get a handle on their behavior, you could control your own.

Keep it trick, keep it safe.

We reside in a fishbowl, which means that even though you only share information with one individual, transmission continues to be unavoidable. Don’t talk regarding your many hookup that is recent your partner’s permission. It’s rude.

If you share a kitchen, don’t share a bed. Some exceptions use.

You don’t have to meet a quota, or have a type, or maintain any image when it comes to “hookup culture” at Columbia. It seems corny, but really, all you have to do is love your self before you give your lovin’ to another person. Last year, we constantly felt this stress, this pressure that is unbelievable perform within a totally arbitrary group of bounds. Once we release this stress, most of the CANNOT CROSS tape and all sorts of associated with things about your self that you think are preventing you against getting what you would like magically disappear.

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In my situation, hookup culture will not be that crucial. When i acquired on the concept that I’d to feel some way about “hooking up”, I types of got over it totally. The stress to appear a particular means or to own a particular impact on individuals disappeared.

The things I’m speaing frankly about is wholly not the same as intercourse positivity—it’s intercourse neutrality. It really is acceptance of this fact that how many other individuals think does not have any bearing on which you will do and vice versa. You merely cannot exert the exact same control over other folks which you exert over your projects ethic, or your art, or your problem sets. There are no rules—no second date guideline, no three time rule, no rule that is hipsters-only. The rules that are only need to follow are the ones we set for myself. We have every once in awhile needed such tips, and I also have become better at pinpointing exactly what in myself requires repairing. Without all those requirements that are arbitrary there is nothing to navigate. We have paddles, should i would like them, however for now I am just floating.